Where do you plan to retire??

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Where do you plan to retire??  Empty Where do you plan to retire??

Post by Guest on Mon Jul 15, 2013 12:26 am

Where do you plan to retire?? Here are some of your possible choices:

You can retire to Phoenix , Arizona where …

1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your hiney from the hot water
in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face
when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

- OR-

You can retire to California where ..

1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how
long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.

- OR-

You can retire to New York City where …

1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan ..
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from
Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is "nature."
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language
makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn. (Note, if you have a car).
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

- OR-

You can retire to Wisconsin where …

1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco ..
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for casserole.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and road construction.

- OR-

You can retire to the Deep South where …

1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jim my Bob, Mary Sue,
Betty Jean , Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder."
It's important to know the difference, too.

- OR-

You can retire to Colorado where …

1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and
so he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

- OR-

You can retire to the Midwest where …

1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"

- OR-

FINALLY You can retire to Florida where …

1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.

That is why I plan to stay in Virginia...LOL

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Post by Wildcat445 on Mon Jul 15, 2013 6:39 pm

I retired right where I am. We have a home in AZ where we spend the winter. You should come visit sometime and we would show you around. The most beautiful sunsets on the planet. I would not even consider California, under any circumstances. Nor FL, nor CO, I like AZ. One thing you forgot to mention about AZ. They do not have air conditioning in AZ. They call it refrigeration. I was working for a shop in Scottsdale when I first got to AZ. A lady in an older Oldsmobile drove up and told me that she needed her refrigeration checked. I went into the office, got out the yellow pages, and gave her the phone number for an appliance repair company. The guys in the shop split their britches laughing at the rookie. Me. And the girls wear furry boots in the winter time. With shorts. Nobody in AZ makes out a grocery list. They stand in the middle of the aisle, right where you want to be, either talking on their cell phone, or tinkering with their I-something trying to figure out which item is cheaper per ounce. God forbid they overpay. There are no bugs in AZ. You can sit out on the patio and not get eaten up with skeeters. No bugs on your car. Vehicles do not rust in AZ. The most beautiful place on the face of the earth. And, by the time they finish with a road project, they tear it up again to lay utility lines. The official state motto of AZ is "Road Construction Ahead".

I enjoyed your descriptions of the various places. Somebody has lots of spare time, don't they? There is certainly nothing wrong with Virginia.

Regards

WC

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Post by Bill Cahill on Mon Jul 15, 2013 6:42 pm

Twisted Evil  Wanna bet?? Shocked 

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Post by Wildcat445 on Mon Jul 15, 2013 6:47 pm

Does WHO want to bet on WHAT?

Regards

WC

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Post by Wildcat445 on Mon Jul 15, 2013 7:02 pm

Or you could retire to Missouri where:

Your dad walks you to school every day, since you are both in the same grade.

Your mom, your sister, and your grandmother could all be the same person.

The Trinity is : John Deere, NASCAR, and The Chiefs.

There are no miles in Missouri. Everthing is in minutes. "It is 45 minutes to The City". " I have 3,000,890 minutes on my Cummins."

You need to know where "The City' is from where you are now. In the east The City is St. LOuis. In the south, The City is Springfield. In the west the City is KC, both KCK and KCMO. There is a difference.

You have spent 90% of your life up to the age of 14 on a school bus.

Most of the homes around here have wheels. It is time for a new home when the toilet falls thru the floor. As long as it does not disturb the satellite dish or your 80" flat panel tv, life is good. Flat panel tv's also work well to plug up the hole when your window gets shot out.

You can remove the muffler from your diesel pickup and install a "smoke button." This allows you to greet cars you pass on a double yellow line and give them a little puff for being in your way.

Regards

WC


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Post by Guest on Tue Jul 16, 2013 8:43 am

I've been in 47 States and have always liked Arizona and Missouri.  I love Virginia but the heat and humidity and be a bit much in the summer. The comments above were a joke posted on FB by friend of mine.

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Post by 75X11 on Tue Jul 16, 2013 10:03 am

Very Happy 
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Post by Resistance is Futile on Tue Jul 16, 2013 1:17 pm

Hey those weren't jokes atall thems is facts pure and simple. No No 
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Post by jerryhawthorne on Tue Jul 16, 2013 8:57 pm

Probably fairly accurate. We retired in Arizona, but not the Phoenix area. There are many seasonal areas in Arizona, we chose Sedona, milder on the heat and an occasional snow that won't stay on the ground past noon. What I like is the scenery, and lack of traffic. Exceptions on holidays when it seems everyone wants to come here. If you miss cold weather, the Flagstaff area is terrific but be ready for some snow to stay on the ground. Prescot is also a very nice area, just get out of the Phoenix area unless you want to just spend the winter there. Just too dang hot for me.
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Post by scottb on Wed Jul 17, 2013 10:53 am

lol! lol! I have a lake home around Three Lakes WI and plan on living there.
The only place I know where the only way to get season passes to a football game is to inherit them

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Post by Wildcat445 on Wed Jul 17, 2013 4:32 pm

I lived in Phoenix for twenty-odd years. The heat there is no different than the cold, humidity, and skeeters in Missouri. You learn to adapt. We had a swimming pool there like we have a wood stove here. Right now, right here it is 96 degrees outside with 67 percent relative humidity. The "feels like" temp is 105 according to the tv weathergirl. (Kinda cute, too. I digress) I sweat just opening the door to go out. The grass is turning brown. It's summer in MO. The coldest I ever was in my life was in Deerfield, Wisconsin, when I was visiting my brother. It was something like -25 with a 30 mph wind. BRRRRR!!

Regards

WC

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Post by DancingBear on Thu Jul 18, 2013 12:56 pm

THIS IS WHAT JEFF FOXWORTHY HAS TO SAY ABOUT ‘LIVING IN OREGON’…

If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don’t work there, you live in Oregon.
If you’ve worn shorts, sandals and a parka at the same time, you live in Oregon.
If you’ve had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed the wrong number, you live in Oregon.
If you measure distance in hours, you live in Oregon.
If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you live in Oregon.
If you have switched from ‘heat’ to ‘A/C’ and back again in the same day, you live in Oregon.
If you install security lights on your house and garage but leave both doors unlocked, you live in Oregon.
If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you live in Central, Southern or Eastern Oregon.
If you design your kid’s Halloween costume to fit over a 2 layers of clothes or under a raincoat, you live in Oregon.
If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow and ice, you live in Oregon.
If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction, you live in Oregon.
If you feel guilty throwing aluminum cans or paper in the trash, you live in Oregon.
If you know more than 10 ways to order coffee, you live in Oregon.
If you know more people who own boats than air conditioners, you live in Oregon.
If you stand on a deserted corner in the rain waiting for the “Walk” signal, you live in Oregon.
If you consider that if it has no snow or has not recently erupted, it is not a real mountain, you live in Oregon.
If you can taste the difference between Starbucks, Seattle’s Best, and Dutch Bros, you live in Oregon.
If you know the difference between Chinook, Coho and Sockeye salmon, you live in Oregon.
If you know how to pronounce Sequim, Puyallup, Clatskanie, Issaquah, Oregon, Umpqua, Yakima and Willamette, you live in Oregon.
If you consider swimming an indoor sport, you live in Oregon.
If you know that Boring is a city and not just a feeling, you live in Oregon.
If you can tell the difference between Japanese, Chinese and Thai food, you live in Oregon.
If you never go camping without waterproof matches and a poncho, you live in Oregon.
If you have actually used your mountain bike on a mountain, you live in Oregon.
If you think people who use umbrellas are either wimps or tourists, you live in Oregon.
If you buy new sunglasses every year, because you cannot find the old ones after such a long time, you live in Oregon.
If you actually understand these jokes and forward them to all your OREGON friends, you live or have lived in Oregon.
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